I Choose Joy in the Midst of Grief

 

As I write this, I am joining a family friend as he grieves over the death of his 7-year-old son, Trey, from leukemia.  Trey fought hard against his illness for almost a year, and his family fought right alongside him.  Many, many friends joined the family in prayer for Trey, boldly asking God to heal him this side of heaven.  But, in God's unfathomable wisdom, He took Trey to be with Him forever in heaven yesterday.  Trey is now resting in the arms of Jesus, never to be sick again.
I won't pretend to know what these parents are feeling right now.  And I won't try to be a counselor -- I am not one.  But I do know, from my own experiences after the death of my son, and from the experiences of many others, that this family will have a long grief process that they MUST go through.  Psychologists tell us that if we try to avoid the grief process, it will hurt us more in the long run, leading to even more bad consequences, making it even harder to cope with life.     

I also KNOW, for a fact, that God is aware of our grief, and that He wants to be there with us, through our grief. He sent us The Comforter, The Holy Spirit, for such a time as this.  Psychologists generally recognize seven stages of grief that we all will go through.  We don't all go through each stage in the same time frame or in the same way.  Some people can experience some stages together, at the same time.  Others may experience these stages in a different order, or even repeat one or more of the stages.  Everyone is different, so these stages should be taken loosely.  But, the good news is, for each of these seven stages of grief, God has given us promises:

1.  Shock and Denial

• Psalm 23:4 -- Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
• Isaiah 41:10 -- Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.
• Isaiah 43:2 -- When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.  When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you.
• I Peter 5:7 -- Cast all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.

2.  Pain and Guilt

• II Corinthians 1:3, 4 -- Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
• Revelation 21:4 --  And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.

3.  Anger and Bargaining

• Hebrews 4:15, 16 -- For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin.

4.  Depression, Reflection, and Loneliness

• Isaiah 49:13b -- For the Lord has comforted His people and will have mercy on His afflicted.
• Nehemiah 8:10 -- The joy of the Lord is our strength.

5.  An Upward Turn

• Matthew 5:4 -- Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

6.  Reconstruction

• II Corinthians 5:8 -- We are confident, yes, well pleased rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord.

7.  Acceptance and Hope

• Isaiah 51:11 -- So the ransomed of the Lord shall return, and come to Zion with singing, with everlasting joy on their heads.  They shall obtain joy and gladness; Sorrow and sighing shall flee away.
• Isaiah 61:1-3 -- The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me, because the Lord has anointed Me to preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God; To comfort all who mourn, to console those who mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; That they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.
• I Thessalonians 4:13, 14 -- But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope.  For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus.

I pray that you have never felt the grief of losing a child like I have, and like my friend now has. But you may be grieving the loss of something else -- a marriage, a job, a reputation, a relationship. The same grief process applies to your loss, too.  And God's promises apply to you, too.  Accept those promises.  Make them yours.  Trust God to fulfill those promises in your life. 

If you have a friend who is grieving, please be patient with him or her.  As I said above, they may not follow the "typical" grieving pattern, and they may take longer in one stage or another than other people have that you have known.  They may shut you out, emotionally.  Don't take that personally.  Continue to pray for your friend.  Allow them to talk about their loss in their own time and in their own way.  The best thing you can do for your friend is to pray for him or her and to be available.  You will be blessed if you allow God to use you to comfort your friend, even if it is just by being there and giving your friend a shoulder to cry on.

The rest of the good news is that, when you trust in God's promises, he will bring you joy.  You must understand that joy and happiness are quite different.  Happiness is dependent upon our circumstances.  No one is happy in the middle of grief.  But joy is much deeper than happiness.  It is not dependent upon circumstances, but is a result of trusting in God who loves us, who cares for us, who sustains us, and who grieves with us. 

This week, my prayer for you will be from II Thessalonians 2:16, 17 --  Now may our Lord Jesus Christ Himself, and our God and Father, who has loved us and given us everlasting consolation and good hope by grace, comfort your hearts and establish you in every good word and work.